Things Like This Never Happened in Egypt
by Yami Rekishi
Summary: Ryou insists that Bakura get a job, some hilariousness ensues. From Bakura's pov, some light yaoi.


**Title:** Things Like This Never Happened in Egypt

**Author:** Yami Reikishi

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters. If I did, I wouldn't be sitting here writing fanfiction.

I found this on an old floppy disk when I was cleaning out junk from my room. It's very old and I don't plan on continuing it but I thought it was rather cute and decided to put it up. Originally written: Wednesday, September 10, 2003 8:45:17 PM

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I gave a little laugh at the punch line in the funny papers and looked over at Ryou before going on to reading Ann Landers. Ryou was muttering to himself and giving me dark looks as he flipped through some pieces of paper. I got the disturbing feeling that I should be apologizing for something, but for what I wasn't sure. I hadn't forgotten a anniversary or anything. Had I? Well, it's to late now anyways I reminded myself and started on the help column.

By the time I had finished off my fifth bowl of Fruit Loops and an article about a woman with dating problems, Ryou had stopped all paper shuffling and was just glaring at me. Just.. glaring..

"Erm. I love you?" I said cautiously. That was about the only was to ensure a natural death in this house. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be working, Ryou still looked teed off. "What!?" I cried.

"You're eating us out of house and home Bakura!" Ryou cried. "I don't even think you need to eat, you're _dead_ for Christ sake!"

Geez. He didn't have to rub it in. "And yet there you are eating twice your body weight in corn puff cereal!" What he said had some truth, but I wasn't sure if I needed to eat either. Maybe I was just eating out of habit, either way, I wasn't going to sit around starve myself to see if I could die again.

"I can't help it if I'm hungry," I whined.

"Listen Bakura, I'm at school all day and you know my school won't allow after school jobs, I could get kicked out. And since we need some extra money, I was thinking…" Oh god. Here it comes. "…that you could help out by getting a job."

"But what if someone thinks it's you and you get kicked out of school anyways? We look a lot alike if you haven't noticed." Well, someone could tell the difference if they really looked, I had cooler hair and looked older, but there wasn't many things I wouldn't say to save my lazy ass from physical activity.

"We'll tell them you're my older brother. That's what we've told everyone else so far." He motioned to the next room. "C'mon, lets go look though the job listings."

I sighed. I could see I wasn't going to get out of this one. And I did like money; maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I dropped my cereal bowl in the sink and shuffled out of the kitchen after Ryou. He had already spread out the adds on the living room floor and was stretched out in front of the paper moving his finger up and down the page as he read through the job descriptions. Occasionally he'd take the top off of a red permanent marker and make a circle around a job that looked promising. I sat next to him and played with his hair while he read. By the time Ryou finished reading the job listings he had five very messy braids and only three jobs circled. I beamed at my handiwork and scooted away from Ryou so I was sitting in front of him.

"So. What did you find?" I asked, not really wanting to know but if I didn't ask he'd make the decision out of the three and I'd rather pick my own poison.

Ryou ran a hand through his hair, wincing as it encountered snarl after snarl and told me my choices: entering the food business as a bus boy, someone who pushes the big green button to make the rides go at an amusement park or ending the rest of my six millennia life span as a filer. That. Was quite a decision.

"Aren't there any better jobs I can do?" I asked staring at the evil red circles.

"Your not qualified for much, you can barely read English."

"Whatever." Since I couldn't think of anything better to say. "Which one do you think I should pick?"

"Maybe you could be a bus boy. Not much intelligence required.." Ryou inched closer to me and settled down in my lap, weaving his hands into my hair. "And you'd get one of those cute little bow ties." I shook my head and put my arms around his waist.

"I'm above clearing away people's dishes." He likes bow ties?

"How about filing then? You know the alphabet and it might help you with your reading skills."

Babe, hooked on phonics couldn't help my reading skills and I'd rather gouge out my eye with the Millennium Eye then file. "Yeah. Maybe I'll do that. But actually, I was thinking that I could work at the amusement park. I'd be the most interesting." Especially if some punk fell to his doom on the roller coaster.

"Well.. I guess.. if that's what you what to do. Tt's your job I suppose." Ryou gave me a nervous look. He probably guessed what I had been thinking.

Ryou untangled himself from me, took out the section with one of the red circles on it and went back into the kitchen. I sprawled out and chuckled at the personal ads as Ryou dialed the phone and started talking to someone.

The Domino City Amusement Park was actually quite a thing to behold. It wasn't a dinky circus that came to an abandoned parking lot for a weekend during the summer. It was stationary and right in between a car wash and a water park. It had been two days since Ryou called and secured me the job, making it Monday. I had been dreading today for most of the weekend, but now that I was sitting in the manager's air-conditioned office it didn't seem so bad. My worries might have been for nothing. Maybe it was the man's optimism rubbing off on me. It was very possible; he was positively beaming at me. Like I was some long lost son. Even the sparsely furnished office radiated happiness. Bob himself was balding, short, and had a blank looking smile plastered to his face.

"I think we'll start you off working on the safari cruise ride." Bob, the manager, informed me as I signed forms for my uniform.

Oooh. Yey. I get to give a little tour of some mechanical animals from a boat.

"It's about the only ride where you have to talk to the people on the ride, so it'll give you a chance to work with the customers. It'll be good for you." And with that he handed me a name tag and I followed him out of his small office. We passed a couple roller coasters; several interesting looking rides and turned at a ride with airplanes spinning around. We stopped a minute so good old Bob could catch his breath and give me the top ten reasons why I should love my customers.

To the left of where we were standing a clump of trees jutted awkwardly out of the pavement. There was another large paved trail in a gap between the trees and over it was a giant sign. S-A-F-A-F-I T-O-U-R-S. This sucks. "I'll have you ride with Tim so you know how everything works on the ride. Maybe by the afternoon you'll be up to taking a turn. Since you already have your uniform." Bob gave me a once over and the clapped me on the back. "I think you'll do just fine, don't be nervous!"

Despite his encouraging words, Bob was out of there as soon I was introduced to Tim. Back to the Bob cave I guess. Tim looked only a little older than Ryou, making me roughly 4980 years older, so I gave him a smug look. He had short brown-black curly hair and was fairly tall. He didn't say much, which was fine with me, it was to early for chit chat anyways. The park hadn't officially opened for the day, so there wasn't a crowd or the lines for the ride. Tim led me to the line of un-seaworthy little boats and he showed me how to use the intercom and what different buttons were for until we heard people coming through the park. A line accumulated, and since Tim was still doing the guide I sat back to watch. Soon enough there were little brats piling onto the boat, everytime I tried to scoot away another one sat in the space I had created by moving.

I hate kids.

By the time the morning was over I was cranky, sick of animals, and sore from sitting on the safari ride for the whole morning. I had to sit in the back and listen to Tim's comments and then when the ride was over, I'd help the people get out. When Tim finally asked if I had the ride down, I would have told him anything get keep from sitting on that boat amid the kiddies for the afternoon too.

My first time doing the ride myself, Tim sat in back to make sure I was doing all right. And I did, I remembered most of it, but I had a feeling that I wouldn't for long. On the second time around Tim was working a different boat and I was by myself. I remembered half of it, but did pretty well overall. Third time, I improvised.

"I want to thank everyone who stared awkwardly at me for the last ten minutes, and if you wanted to make any comments on my comments my name in Rebecca and this is the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Now get off my boat"

Right now, I didn't really mind if I got fired right now even though it was my first day, actually I'd be almost like a kindness. I was utterly miserable. It was blazing hot out, I had forgotten a hair tie at home and my thick white hair was making my neck feel sticky. The water underneath the boat was calling to me and I'd nearly jumped in on several occasions. I hate Mondays.

With envy, I watched the people fleeing my boat. They could go on the coasters or even walk over to the water park to cool down, but I was stuck on this God-forsaken boat surrounded by mechanical lions and tigers and bears. Oh my.

Two familiar faces had just been loaded my boat. Black and multicolored spiked hair set the two apart from the rest of my dead weight cargo. They sat down towards the back of my boat and when they looked up to see who was at the helm, Yami Yugi's jaw dropped. My mouth curled up. They must have just gotten out of school. My lip twitched into a grin, they must have been surprised to see someone new driving. They probably go on this ride a lot. After all, it's the only one without a height requirement.

It's not like I had any control over the boat. It moved on a underwater track, but a wheel had been put in at the front to make it look convincing. It certainly made my job a hell of a lot easier. I just had to talk.

"Does anyone know what kind of snakes those are?" I asked no one in particular as the boat drifted lazily past a large rock with fake cobras on it swaying back and forth.

"Cobras!" A young girl chirped from the front.

"That's right! And does anyone know it's scientific name?" Silence. "That's right! Roboticus Metalicus!" I smirked. Go me. The boat rounded a corner, revealing two lions that had just killed a zebra. I'm not sure why that had been put in the ride, it was for kids after all but I didn't mind so I continued my sarcastic safari tour. "Aww, look at that! Isn't that precious? That lion is watching over that sleeping zebra! He looks dead tired." I remarked over the intercom as the boat heaved itself closer to the scene. I could hear some people in the back laughing. At least someone was having fun.

Yami Yugi was waiting for me next to the Safari Tours sign when my shift was over. Tim let me go a little early because of my severe bitching and complaining. The park was nearly empty anyways, only half an hour until closing so all the kiddies had gone to dream about sugarplums. Or at least that's what I've heard.

I stopped next to him and raised an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be dueling someone or something?" This guy seriously needs a life.

"No one ever told me you got a job here." Yami Yugi glaring furiously.

"Who says I have to tell you everything? You're not my parole officer."

"No, but if it hadn't been for Ryou all this time you wouldn't be here at all! You wouldn't believe how hard it's been to get you away from Ryou. But now that he's not here, I can finally make sure you stay in the shadow realm for good! You're a burden to the human race."

You'd think that someone who looked as smart as he did would actually have an IQ.

"What. You think that Ryou is going to wake up tomorrow and forget he ever had a Yami? The Ring is just going to disappear? Sorry, things don't work that way anymore." What a dictator, sure people mysteriously disappeared pretty often but no one ever asked. And I hadn't cared back then either, they hadn't been anyone I was sleeping with.

"You never know, he might. Besides, once I get rid of you he'll learn that he's better off without you."

"Heh. Just like Yugi would be better off without you?" Oops. That did it. He looked seriously pissed.

"MIND CR-" Shit! He was actually going to do it! So I did the only thing I could think of doing. I punched him right in the kisser, turned, and straight out bolted for the parking lot. Hopefully, Yami Yugi had taken the bus and wouldn't follow me..

I hopped up the step leading to my front door, wrenched it open and took refuge in the air conditioning. Ryou was already waiting for me at the door and shut it after me.

"Yugi called awhile ago," Ryou told me in his angry but hopelessly cute tone. "He said you were terrorizing children at work today. And he also said you punched him! You didn't really, did you!?" Ryou asked, eyes getting sadder but the minute.

"Well, I didn't really mean to.. "

"Are you trying to tell me you punched him by accident?" Ryou said incredulously, hands on hips.

"Ryou, running your car into a tree is an accident. Running your fist into somebody's face is a plan." It was true to. And insurance companies were complete bitches when you tried to say otherwise. Of course, a tree only hits an automobile in self-defense.

"Bakura! I can't believe you would do that!"

I shot him an evil look.

"Well. Maybe I can, but I thought you would be a little more responsible at work. Honestly, can't you even try to be civil!?"

"I tried Ryou! I really did! It's easy to say I'll be nice to him, but then I see him its like he's just asking to be hit. And you obviously don't know the whole story! That bastard tried to send me to the Shadow Realm again! That's the third time this month! I can't go anywhere anymore!" Or... Maybe that wasn't helping his mood. "Please don't be mad Ryou-chan, I'll look for another job!" Well, maybe. If Ryou lets me go back.

Ryou sighed and looked down at the floor. "I completely forgot that you'd have lost your job.. I guess I should have figured. Punching someone in front of all those children.. I suppose I'll take a look at the listings again.." And with that he turned his back and shuffled back into the kitchen. I followed him so I could at least pretend like I cared.

"So what do we have this week?" I said pulling my hands around his waist and resting my chin on his shoulder.

"Not much of a choice, there's only one job you're qualified to do in here." Ryou said softly, leaning his head on my chest and tilting his head back to look up at me. He sounded calmer; maybe reading does that to you. Well, I wouldn't know. "You're going to have to take a job at the craft store in the ghetto mall. Unless you want to wait until tomorrow and see who's hiring." I had a feeling that the second choice wasn't really an option. Ryou was just was just saying it so I would think it was.

There were two malls in Domino City. A large one that was grouped next to some other large chain stores. The other one wasn't as big and contained many small and locally owned businesses. Ryou's generation lovingly referred to it as 'the ghetto mall' because there weren't many big name stores and since many of the storefronts weren't filled. The city council must have agreed there should be something done about it and had spent a lot of money putting in a rock climbing wall to attract customers. It actually wasn't such a bad place to work or to shop, especially if you just wanted to sit back and not do anything and get paid for it. Seriously, who goes to craft stores anyway?

Well, crafty people I guess..

I sighed and leaned back in my chair and looked around the dimly lit craft store. There were several aisles, one for cake decorating, yarn, and string. A second for pens, pencils and wood cut in the shape of letters and ducks, ect. The third one contained doll making materials, all the disembodied heads and appendages made the place feel rather cozy. In a small room off the aisles was my favorite part of the store. A large train set had been created on a large table in the middle of the room. The train ran around nonstop through tunnels, past miniature forests and mountains. All the tiny passengers oblivious to what was happening in the outside world, and I was getting paid minimum wage to sit there and watch it.


End file.
